I don’t fully understand why I read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, but let’s just say it surprised me, and I can now say that it is THE book for couples to read. Yes, that’s correct, for couples, because both of you would benefit from reading this book.
In this book Dr. Chapman explains the importance of understanding your own, as well as your ‘better half’s’ (I mean, sometimes it’s the worse half, but let’s get too into the semantics), love language. It is possible for couples to truly love each other, but giving and receiving love is different depending on the person. Dr. Chapman wants to help you figure out your and her (or his) love language, which will pay dividends in the future.
The way it is explained in the book, each of us have our own “Love Tank” that fills up as the other person gives us the right kind (the kind we like) of love. It is a rather odd analogy, but it does make sense on some level. When I think back to my previous relationships, there have been times when I wanted her to do something specific for me, and she clearly wanted me to do something specific for her, but neither of us could figure out what that something was that we both wanted. I mean, this happens all the time, so if you’ve ever been in love you know what I’m talking about. It is rather frustrating at times.
I’d say I’ve gotten much better at this over the years, of course, but this book has certainly given me more tools to work with in the future on top of my already acquired experience.
But I think it’s time we got to the actual topic at hand. Let’s have a look at the 5 Love Languages themselves.
What Are The Five Love Languages?
What’s important to realize is that we don’t actually have all of these Love Languages ourselves. One usually reigns supreme, which was the biggest revelation from the book, to me at least.
I kind of try to do all of these when I’m in love, as anyone would I imagine, but knowing that my loved one has a specific Love Language, just like I do, really calms my nerves.
Now, even if I did figure out what my partner really, really likes out of all of these, I would never forego the others. I still think all of them are important, just one happens to be more important the others and that is it.
Word of Affirmation
“If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.”
Acts of Service
“If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.”
“This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language.”
“This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.”
“Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.”
What Is Your Primary language?
Keyword: Primary. Like I tried to foreshadow previously.
There are a couple of ways to find your own love language:
What kind of love your parents showed you when you were growing up? What made you feel loved when you were a child? This can be a huge indicator to what your love language is.
When you really want to show someone that you care, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Your instinct could be the thing you yourself crave and find most important.
And finally, if you’ve been hurt in the past by someone, because of something they didn’t do and that made you feel unloved, that could be a way to tell what your Love Language is.
Think of all of those options, try to relate them to what was said earlier, and you should be able to find your own Love Language. Tell your own partner to do the same.
I still recommend you read the book. It goes into to more detail on all of what I discussed here today.
I know this isn’t exactly my kind of topic to talk about, but I wanted to take a break from my usual business and self-help side of things for this week. I’ve been busy with work lately, so I’m trying to relax as I write my blog. Don’t worry, we’ll go back to what I’m actually good (okay slightly better) at later!
You can buy the book here: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts