I don’t know how I came across this book, but I’m glad I read it.
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships is a book about communication and making relationships work, as you might have guessed from the title.
92 little tricks seems like much, and it is, but most of them revolve around same topics, and simply add on top of one another. I didn’t feel like there was just one good tip, but rather most of them seemed valid and I’d even argue that knowing and then applying them to your life would make you instantly more likable. It’s a very powerful book in the right hands.
On the other hand, it also tells you how confident people act differently from the quiet and reserved ones. Little by little I’m starting to learn how to be a more commanding talker myself, and it’s thanks to books like this one right here.
Most of the information here isn’t news to me, but I did get surprised a couple of times, and that’s me having read more than a handful of books in similar topics.
It would make no sense for me to list all 92 ‘little tricks’ (some of them are way bigger than others), but I’ll give you a couple of examples.
The book dedicates a couple of chapters to the basics: maintaining eye contact, remember to smile, have a good posture, etc.
Always greet people with a smile. You’d think this is obvious, but in fact, I’d say most people don’t bother smiling when they greet someone, and this is a big mistake if you are interested in getting into and maintaining relationships with people. Smile signals confidence and warmth like nothing else, and everyone wants to be greeted with a smile, especially from those that they think are important to them, but as the author puts it, there’s a trick to the smile as well:
“Don’t flash an immediate smile when you greet
someone, as though anyone who walked into your line
of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the
other person’s face for a second. Pause. Soak in their
persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood
over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will
engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split-second
delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine
and only for them.”
This isn’t exactly new to anyone who is either already good at interacting with others, or has been studying up on effective human interaction. Maintaining eye contact is a must if you want to seem like you are interested in the other person, it makes the other person feel like you care about what they are saying and it also signals trust, affection and respect, among other things. It just is super duper important, and this book hammers that message home rather well.
“Once while we were having dinner together in a restaurant, I
told him about the Sticky Eyes technique. I guess he took it to
heart. When the waiter came over, Sammy, uncharacteristically,
instead of bluntly blurting out his order with his nose in the menu,
looked at the waiter. He smiled, gave his order for the appetizer,
and kept his eyes on the waiter’s for an extra second before looking
down again at the menu to choose the main dish. I can’t tell
you how different Sammy seemed to me just then! He came across
as a sensitive and caring man, and all it took was two extra seconds
of eye contact. I saw the effect it had on the waiter, too. We
received exceptionally gracious service the rest of the evening.”
A Little Extra
I’ll add a couple more examples from the book, but then I’ll leave it at that. The best way to read this book is to pick up new techniques and try them one by one and see what each one of them can do for you. Over time you will learn your own techniques based on what you have read from this book, and at that point your life will be very, very different.
This is just a good tip for when you want to come off as a great speaker:
“Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose
itch, your ear tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not
fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm, or scratch. And above
all, keep your paws away from your puss. Hand
motions near your face and all fidgeting can give your
listener the gut feeling you’re fibbing.”
When on the other hand this is something you want to do before going to an important event:
“Rehearse being the Super Somebody you want to be
ahead of time. SEE yourself walking around with Hang
by Your Teeth posture, shaking hands, smiling the
Flooding Smile, and making Sticky Eyes. HEAR yourself
chatting comfortably with everyone. FEEL the
pleasure of knowing you are in peak form and everyone
is gravitating toward you. VISUALIZE yourself a Super
Somebody. Then it all happens automatically”
Visualizing yourself doing something before actually doing it always brings results. Trust me, it works, I’ve tested it multiple times now and it works every-single-time. Perhaps your performance won’t quite match what you imagined, but it surely helped with the anxiety you might feel, and made you feel more confident, because all of a sudden you now have a plan.
Go Read It
There’s of course more to it, and it was extremely interesting to read about this all in detail, but I urge you to read the book for yourself. I think How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships is another one of those books that you should just read, because it has too much valuable information that will with 100% certainty help you in your life.
There’s no chance you won’t find value in this book, so please go and read it, you’ll thank me later.